The child you were is the Child you still are

During my studies to become a counsellor, I came across a book I read with interest. Its premise - 'One's earliest recollected childhood memories will shape who you are today.' The more I read and thought about it, I began to ask certain people to share with me their earliest childhood memories - some were very good and some were not so good. Surprisingly, I was able to tell them to some degree of accuracy their personality traits.
So one day, I recall laying on my bed and began to think back to my childhood and the memories I had of it. To my surprise my earliest recollected memory was quite a traumatic event. I began to cry and shake - I was 23 at the time.  I hesitate to share this with you - strangers really in my life - yet I do both as a continual healing process and as help to someone out there who may have experienced a similar life experience. So here it goes - I recall my father coming home in a drunken stupor and rage. I remember him cradeling my mom on their bed as he beat her viciously, yelling at her. I remember her pleading with him to stop.  I remember the pool of blood I would jump over for days, weeks...even when it was cleaned up that same day.  I remember the fear I felt, the overwhelming flood of emotions of confusion, hurt and fear of my father. I was about 4 years of age!
This is who I am today:
  - afraid of angry people
  - afraid of personal criticism
  - afraid of failure and abandonment
  - give into others rather that stand up for myself
  - have difficulty with control issues
  - need approval of others and do what I need to gain it
  - low self esteem of myself
I am 45 years old!  41 years later I still fight with these issues every single day.  I have come a long long way to effectively deal with these issues and still have a long way to go. I write this to tell you, that there is hope.
I know there is - I'm an example of that hope.
Until next time.......