A few years back while the family was on holidays we went to Canada's Wonderland. WHAT an AMAZING TIME. I went on this roller coaster - it was a new one at the time - called the Behemoth. The first drop is like a 75% grade at about 2,000 feet up (seemed like it a the time). One literally has about a 5 inch hang time off his seat and in about 2 minutes the ride is over. I did the ride 2 times. I love coasters, the thrill of drop, the speed, the hands up in the air, and the feeling of the stomach - you know what I mean.
Well today it is Feb 22, 202 and I along with my wife am experiencing another roller coaster. This time with family. My father in law is in the hospital - going on 7 days. My wife and I have been back n forth from home and work as result. He is not doing well. Now our son - he was admitted for a bad lung infection - going on his 4th day. Now we are balancing being with him in one room and her father in another room. I am grateful it is the same hospital. OH, did I mention that we have the mother in law who is in need of care on a constant basis and to top it off: our other kids at home, I am sure wondering what is going on. Honestly, I write this with tear running down my cheek because of the inner turmoil of being home with our other kids and being here with our very sick one.
I went home last night to sleep in my comfy bed. Our youngest, saw me and was so happy to see me. She crawled into my arms and started crying. There were the two of us on the couch crying together. My other two were just as happy to see me although they didn't cry I knew they were glad I was there.
I don't like this roller coaster: the drop, the feeling in my stomach, the inner turmoil. When will it stop?
I don't know when this roller coaster will end but I do know that my kids know we are there for them; they know I am there for them.
Oh I failed to mention that our well had run dry 4 days ago and we are without water for a while. I checked today and the well is filling up again. HOPE.
All I know is that one section of this ride will end in tears and sorrow and the other will end in gratefulness that a little one will be home and will soon be better.
I sure am grateful for friends and family who are by our side helping us here at home and in the hospital. I love communities that stick together.
Two roller coasters: one of fun and the other of life events.
Thanks for reading and praying
Wednesday 22 February 2012
Sunday 19 February 2012
Destiny Loads the Gun
I read a book recently, well still am in fact. Its the story of John Furlong, the man instrumental in bringing the 2010 Winter Olympics to Canada. He tells of a relationship with his father that is unique and to me at least, foreign. It was a close knit, looking up to his hero sort of relationship. Early in his life John's father told him, "What's going to separate you from others is how hard you are prepared to work." I read those words and it was like a blast of explosives that when off - an echo I still hear to this day. Call me empty headed or what but I really can still fell the effects of those words.
It was then I had to think of my life, up until that point. I thought back to the days of of grad school and high school that I wanted to become the first doctor that my community had. My life took another direction - I still wrestle with the feelings if it was the wisest choice. By now you are asking yourself what happened, why did I not choose to become a doctor? Well, it was the lack of encouragement from those who I looked up to the most during the most impressionable years of my life - my teachers. DESTINY LOADS THE GUN. You know the usual questions, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I would tell them I want to be a doctor. I can still see the smile - now to think of it a smile of amusement - well Randall you have to work really hard and get good grades but you may want to think of something else. All throughout school, perhaps up until about grade 10 I gave up the dream! I did get one victory out of it though, I won the grade 12 Chemistry award for my high school year. He, my teacher was one of my biggest cynics. One of the few 'role models' who I told of my ambition when driving me home from volleyball practice in grade 9 - funny I never really spoke to him much again after that. When I won my award I walked up to him and told him I was thankful for him teaching me and was so happy to prove him wrong. YEAH BABY!
DO I have regrets? BIG TIME. If I would of believed in myself I know to this day I would of achieved a dream that faded with the sun like the morning fog.What do I do about it today? FOCUS on a new generation of children who have potential, who are not scarred by damage done from a generation before them. I am willing and able to instill in my children a lifelong experience of believing in them, so that they can believe in themselves. DESTINY LOADS THE GUN. I am going to make sure that my children are going to have such a belief in themselves that it will almost seem arrogant. When they fail - and they will- I will be there to help them up, cry with them, laugh with them and let them know, that their hard work is going to separate them from everyone else. Destiny loads the gun; but training pulls the trigger. If only I knew what that meant years ago. If only's, will not get me from where I am today to where I want to be tomorrow.
If only I had someone to say to me, What's going to separate you from others is how hard you are prepared to work. Yet, more importantly believed in me.DESTINY LOADS THE GUN.
Tell someone today, that you believe in them. Do not let them throw away their potential without at first letting them know they can use it.
It was then I had to think of my life, up until that point. I thought back to the days of of grad school and high school that I wanted to become the first doctor that my community had. My life took another direction - I still wrestle with the feelings if it was the wisest choice. By now you are asking yourself what happened, why did I not choose to become a doctor? Well, it was the lack of encouragement from those who I looked up to the most during the most impressionable years of my life - my teachers. DESTINY LOADS THE GUN. You know the usual questions, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I would tell them I want to be a doctor. I can still see the smile - now to think of it a smile of amusement - well Randall you have to work really hard and get good grades but you may want to think of something else. All throughout school, perhaps up until about grade 10 I gave up the dream! I did get one victory out of it though, I won the grade 12 Chemistry award for my high school year. He, my teacher was one of my biggest cynics. One of the few 'role models' who I told of my ambition when driving me home from volleyball practice in grade 9 - funny I never really spoke to him much again after that. When I won my award I walked up to him and told him I was thankful for him teaching me and was so happy to prove him wrong. YEAH BABY!
DO I have regrets? BIG TIME. If I would of believed in myself I know to this day I would of achieved a dream that faded with the sun like the morning fog.What do I do about it today? FOCUS on a new generation of children who have potential, who are not scarred by damage done from a generation before them. I am willing and able to instill in my children a lifelong experience of believing in them, so that they can believe in themselves. DESTINY LOADS THE GUN. I am going to make sure that my children are going to have such a belief in themselves that it will almost seem arrogant. When they fail - and they will- I will be there to help them up, cry with them, laugh with them and let them know, that their hard work is going to separate them from everyone else. Destiny loads the gun; but training pulls the trigger. If only I knew what that meant years ago. If only's, will not get me from where I am today to where I want to be tomorrow.
If only I had someone to say to me, What's going to separate you from others is how hard you are prepared to work. Yet, more importantly believed in me.DESTINY LOADS THE GUN.
Tell someone today, that you believe in them. Do not let them throw away their potential without at first letting them know they can use it.
Thursday 9 February 2012
Are you a Hoarder?
The specialty channel called A&E airs a number of interesting real life programs. One of which that captures my attention is a show simply called, "Hoarders." A&E describes it this way, "Hoaders looks inside the lives of people whose inability to part with their belongings is so out of control that they are on the verge of a personal crisis."
One evening while watching the program, I came across the thought, "Am I a hoarder?" Over the next few weeks this thought kept crossing my mind. I set out to do a quick inventory of all the items that I am susceptible of holding on to -memory cards, clothes, and a few other things. If I had to I can part with these items - like a sweater I had since my university days. I recently found out my wife disposed of it. I had it for almost 22 yrs. I thought I was clean.
However, this lingering thought came back to me. I then began to realize that it was not material items that I was hoarding. Instead it were the hidden things, the things that others don't know about. Haunting memories, feelings and thoughts that I don't want to reveal. The things I want to hold on to or is it that I don't know how to get rid of because I've allowed them to dictate how I feel, how I think, how I live. You know what I am talking about.
Remember that description, "the lives of people whose inability to part with their belongings." Yep, those memories, experiences no matter how bad, those thoughts - they are belongings. As a matter of fact the longer you surround yourself with them,( the longer I surround myself with them) and wallow in them will start to incapacitate you, and affect your job, most of all your spouse and your children. It is a snowball effect.
Watching Hoarders is sad. Seeing how 'things they own 'control how they live.' They are on the verge of a personal crisis. Seeing the clean up process is sad. It is messy, it is hard, its.....terrifying for the 'hoarder.' Yet, the end result is electrifying, relieving, and triumphant for the 'former hoarder and the loved ones alike.
SO, the question was "Am I willing to allow all those inner ghosts, memories, past experiences, etc, etc, control how I live; control how I think, control how I feel about myself and others? Most importantly, I am willing to let my INNER HOARDING hurt those I love most? For me the answer was simply. ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Talking helps, seeking spiritual strength helps, most of all allowing yourself to let go of all that garbage is the start of a healing process.
Is it going to be easy? NO. You will feel like running because the pain is too much. Trust me it is WORTH IT in the long run.
HOARDING or FREEDOM; DIEING or LIVING. It was an easy decision for me at least because I was tired of living a shallow existence surrounded by JUNK - and it can be for you.
Until next time.....
One evening while watching the program, I came across the thought, "Am I a hoarder?" Over the next few weeks this thought kept crossing my mind. I set out to do a quick inventory of all the items that I am susceptible of holding on to -memory cards, clothes, and a few other things. If I had to I can part with these items - like a sweater I had since my university days. I recently found out my wife disposed of it. I had it for almost 22 yrs. I thought I was clean.
However, this lingering thought came back to me. I then began to realize that it was not material items that I was hoarding. Instead it were the hidden things, the things that others don't know about. Haunting memories, feelings and thoughts that I don't want to reveal. The things I want to hold on to or is it that I don't know how to get rid of because I've allowed them to dictate how I feel, how I think, how I live. You know what I am talking about.
Remember that description, "the lives of people whose inability to part with their belongings." Yep, those memories, experiences no matter how bad, those thoughts - they are belongings. As a matter of fact the longer you surround yourself with them,( the longer I surround myself with them) and wallow in them will start to incapacitate you, and affect your job, most of all your spouse and your children. It is a snowball effect.
Watching Hoarders is sad. Seeing how 'things they own 'control how they live.' They are on the verge of a personal crisis. Seeing the clean up process is sad. It is messy, it is hard, its.....terrifying for the 'hoarder.' Yet, the end result is electrifying, relieving, and triumphant for the 'former hoarder and the loved ones alike.
SO, the question was "Am I willing to allow all those inner ghosts, memories, past experiences, etc, etc, control how I live; control how I think, control how I feel about myself and others? Most importantly, I am willing to let my INNER HOARDING hurt those I love most? For me the answer was simply. ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Talking helps, seeking spiritual strength helps, most of all allowing yourself to let go of all that garbage is the start of a healing process.
Is it going to be easy? NO. You will feel like running because the pain is too much. Trust me it is WORTH IT in the long run.
HOARDING or FREEDOM; DIEING or LIVING. It was an easy decision for me at least because I was tired of living a shallow existence surrounded by JUNK - and it can be for you.
Until next time.....
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