Monday 25 November 2013
Learning How to Talk Again.
When I was growing up I rarely heard my grandparents, great grandparents uncles or aunts speak our native language - Ojibwemoyaan. Matter of fact, the only time I heard it spoken was when the 'old folks' wanted to say things so that us young ones could not understand. Yes, we had language lessons in grade school but I can only recall them sporadically at best. There were a few phrases introduced to me by my parents (I am sure that is all they knew) and by others in my family. Those I can say and remember to this day.
I remember an incident when I was very young as if it were yesterday. I had asked my great grandfather with a smile on my face and eager anticipation if he "could teach me how to speak Indian." His response, requiring no thought whatsoever, was, "You don't need to learn that!" In a rather harsh tone. His response crushed me deeply. I cried that day. Even as I type these words, I still feel that same emotional punch in the gut as strong as ever. This was the day that gave me a bad feeling about being an Anishinaabe. It is something I cannot really describe except for shame.
I say all that to say this. To this day Gaawiin aapiji ninitaa-ojibwemosii. (I don’t know how to talk Ojibwe very much). Or even understand it
It took me quite a long time until I was able to get over this shame. In fact opening up to you like this makes me feel shameful for even feeling like that growing up. I know some of you reading this are probably thinking, "Why would you feel ashamed at being Anishinaabe." Words from an adult that a child looked up to, admired and loved impacted his little soul more than you would even being to comprehend. Be careful how you respond to a young child. The words you speak could impact him or her profoundly for years to come.
I have been trying to teach myself how to speak Ojibwemoyaan over the past few years. Granted it is a difficult process to learn when you have only yourself to speak to. I have begun to see that many of my peers that I grew up with back on Bkjwanong FN aka Walpole Island and even those years younger are learning our language and speaking fluently to each other. This brings that feeling of shame over me again. I am very happy for all of them on learning and having the ability to speak Ojibwemoyaan. I rejoice with them but at the same time I hurt inside terribly. I shed a few tears when no one is looking because they have what I want - that ability to understand and speak our original language. If you have ever been on the outside looking in; lets say in a crowded room and you don't know anyone. Everyone has congregated in groups, they are talking and laughing except for you. You feel all alone; left out. Well that is how I feel.
Even the few words I do know and am learning I am scared to say them out loud for fear of saying them wrong. There are some of the boys I work with will speak to me in Ojibwemoyaan and I feel ashamed asking them to repeat in English. They wonder why I cannot speak the language.
So! I am on a journey. A journey to 'Learn How to Talk Again.' It is one that will help me get rid of that feeling that was planted in my little soul when I was about 6 yrs old. I guess it is a healing journey and one of forgiveness.
Oh, in case you are wondering. I do not feel bad anymore for being Anishinaabe I just desire to be able to understand Ojibwemoyaan and speak as one.
Giminadan Gagiginonshiwan - It was nice speaking to you.
Chi-Migewetch
&
Baamapii
Saturday 9 November 2013
Does It All Matter?
For those who know me, you will know that I often look to the night sky and watch for the occasional passing of the International Space Station or look to the heavens and will point out certain clusters of stars. I will show someone how to spot the North Star - Polaris. I will even show how to find the brightest star -Sirius- during the Winter and Spring sky. If you can find the Constellation Orion, draw a line through the belt and travel left of it, you will soon see it. I haven't a telescope. I wish I had. If I did, I am sure many of my evenings would be spent gazing the stars that fill our night sky.
As I get older I find myself pondering all that is happening in 'our backyard' - so to speak. Be it the Middle East Conflict; the North-South Korean Conflict; other headlines from around the world that seem to take center stage on the evening news. Then there is that which is closer to home. South of the border with the 'Obama-Care' debate and their unfathomable trillions of dollars in spending debt. To that on my own soil -something that hits close to home. Such as the Idle No More demonstrations to the political debates that happen in Ottawa. Each of these have an impact that affects everyone in one way or another. The affects are felt more for some, less for others. Nonetheless the ripple effects are felt.
July 19, 2013 the spacecraft Cassini which orbits the planet Saturn was in an unique position to take a photograph of our home -Earth. This picture was the second ever to be taken from this vantage point. The photo shows a portion of the planet and its famous rings. The Earth was captured through the rings shown with the tiny white arrow. I stood outside that day around 1600hrs looking to the heavens. Standing in awe really knowing that the spacecraft would be taking snap shots of 'US'.
Here is another photo. It is the very first photo of our planet taken in 1990 from the Voyager 1 space craft more than 4 BILLION miles away at the edge of our Solar System. Again through the rings, of Saturn.
If you look closely on the right side of the image mid way down you can see a small dot, dubbed the 'Pale Blue Dot.' That is us.
Every human conflict; every war between Nations all for the title 'momentary masters.' The unending hate, and destruction, that has caused the loss of life and culture in exchange for political power and riches. The destruction and stripping of our natural resources to feed humanity's thirst for technology. Of all the things we could ever want to satisfy our need and wants. We still lack! If you think about it for a bit and are really honest you will somehow begin to see that.
Take a good look at these images. For me, I come to the realization that mankind seems to be so insignificant when looking at our home - the Pale Blue Dot. Our human existence seems so frail, when looking at 'US" against a black drop of empty space that literally goes on for an eternity.
The late Carl Sagan says it the best in his book Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space , "There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
Let us take the time to give thanks for the freedom that most of us on this Pale Blue Dot enjoy. Not just on one occasion every year but on a daily basis. If only all of us could catch the vision of what Mr. Sagan wrote. It will never happen but we can always hope.
As I get older I find myself pondering all that is happening in 'our backyard' - so to speak. Be it the Middle East Conflict; the North-South Korean Conflict; other headlines from around the world that seem to take center stage on the evening news. Then there is that which is closer to home. South of the border with the 'Obama-Care' debate and their unfathomable trillions of dollars in spending debt. To that on my own soil -something that hits close to home. Such as the Idle No More demonstrations to the political debates that happen in Ottawa. Each of these have an impact that affects everyone in one way or another. The affects are felt more for some, less for others. Nonetheless the ripple effects are felt.
July 19, 2013 the spacecraft Cassini which orbits the planet Saturn was in an unique position to take a photograph of our home -Earth. This picture was the second ever to be taken from this vantage point. The photo shows a portion of the planet and its famous rings. The Earth was captured through the rings shown with the tiny white arrow. I stood outside that day around 1600hrs looking to the heavens. Standing in awe really knowing that the spacecraft would be taking snap shots of 'US'.
Here is another photo. It is the very first photo of our planet taken in 1990 from the Voyager 1 space craft more than 4 BILLION miles away at the edge of our Solar System. Again through the rings, of Saturn.
If you look closely on the right side of the image mid way down you can see a small dot, dubbed the 'Pale Blue Dot.' That is us.
Every human conflict; every war between Nations all for the title 'momentary masters.' The unending hate, and destruction, that has caused the loss of life and culture in exchange for political power and riches. The destruction and stripping of our natural resources to feed humanity's thirst for technology. Of all the things we could ever want to satisfy our need and wants. We still lack! If you think about it for a bit and are really honest you will somehow begin to see that.
Take a good look at these images. For me, I come to the realization that mankind seems to be so insignificant when looking at our home - the Pale Blue Dot. Our human existence seems so frail, when looking at 'US" against a black drop of empty space that literally goes on for an eternity.
The late Carl Sagan says it the best in his book Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space , "There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
Let us take the time to give thanks for the freedom that most of us on this Pale Blue Dot enjoy. Not just on one occasion every year but on a daily basis. If only all of us could catch the vision of what Mr. Sagan wrote. It will never happen but we can always hope.
Meegwetch
&
Baamapii
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)