Goo Goo Ga Ga

I have kids! Matter of fact I love kids. Especially when they are in the baby to toddler years.
I recall, in the privacy of my own home talking to my babies in jibberish - some of you know what that means. Now, that I am passed that stage I sit back and listen to parents talk like that to their offspring- in public of all places- and note how crazy they sound.
Here are some of the things I heard this past week sitting in a children's clinic.
In a high squeaky voice: Does Emily need to go potty? Ohhh, your diaper feels warm!  I ask myself, why would Emily need to go potty when she takes a leak right in her diaper? The same mommy, when Emily hits another child on the head with a wooded block, in a stern adult voice, Young lady, you say sorry to that little boy. We don't hit here! I wonder, do you only hit at home?
In the same room where there was this creepy clown trying to entertain children by blowing bubbles. One mom says, "Oh, look at the bubbles! What are those Steven?" I'm thinking, 'Look lady you already told your Steven that they are bubbles and now you asking him what they are?' You trying to trick him? Poor kid!
Then there is Tommy and Timmy, twins - maybe 10 months. Tommy has a Diego stuffed thingy in his hands. There is Timmy trying to wrestle it from his twin brother's hands. Both are arguing in a baby sort of way. Meanwhile.... the creepy clown, is blowing those stupid bubbles at them, I guess trying to mediate the Diego-o-war. Mom steps in and says, in a silly sounding gruff voice with her lips puckered out, "Timmy you have Boots, here is Boots. Boing, boing, boing!" I guess trying to make the stuffed toy thingy hop! 15 minutes later and mom and dad are leaving the waiting room, mom pushes dad aside - no kidding - and says 'I'm pushing the stoller you can take the bag.' I'm thinking, OK BOOTS, no wonder Timmy is a bully!
Yes, I have a demented thought process sometimes. I'm sure that the parents have no idea they are doing the goo goo ga ga thing with their kids in public. I'm sure that they will continue to do so. You know what, I saw that they love their kids. I am sure whenever I get grandchildren from my children, I will revert back to the goo goo ga ga stage. Hopefully, not in public.
Enjoy your kids, they grow up way to quickly.

                                                   The Creepy bubble blowing Clown!

Living outside the Box

A few days ago I took a picture and posted it on my FB wall and on IG of a Bald Eagle sitting in a land fill site. Now, that was not the only one I saw. In fact, I counted at least 30 of them both young and mature ones. It is sad really, that this majestic bird of  prey would be sitting amongst refuse looking for its next meal.  I love seeing nature in the habitat that it was created to be in. Such as this eagle with wings spread in the air riding the hot air currents both enjoying what is was meant to be and searching for its next meal. Instead, 30 birds of prey were sitting there either on heaps of trash or a jutted rock peaking out from the surface of the ground almost begging for a meal. The white plumes that I am used to seeing were marred with dirt; almost brownish white. How sad! In reality these birds are living outside the box.
It made me wonder how many times that my duties as a husband and father stopped short of being what it is supposed to be. By nature I am a selfish person. I am short tempered and can be cynical. That in itself is a cause for alarm because I know what my family needs from me. My wife needs a strong, loving, caring and understanding man who is aware of her needs even when she does not tell me. My children need a role model that will reflect what a father really is. Loving, caring, nurturing, yet can be stern when needs to be.
You see, that is who I am really supposed to be - not that selfish, cynical person I grew up as.  If I chose to sit in the land fill and beg for my existence then I will be a miserable, uncaring, ungrateful, unloving,  unforgiving person.
I know for a fact that is not who God made me to be. To function at  the capacity that makes me live life to the fullest I need to be caring, thankful, grateful loving, understanding and approachable. I have to work hard at this - my wife will be the first to tell you that. When I do live this life, with my wings spread apart and catching the heat pockets and soaring high in the sky, my life functions as it should be as a husband and father. It is then and only then,  I know that I am functioning how I know I am made to be.
Stop for a moment and think about it:  Are you living, enjoying life with your wings spread open? Are you existing, sitting in the landfill knowing that you ought to be elsewhere?

Migwetch  and Baamaapii

Trying To Hide the Obvious!

I read an article online that spoke of the increasing pleasure, allure, mysticism, romanticizing of 'Americans -I'm sure Canadians - who are claiming Native American blood ties. Particularly to the Cherokee. It made me smile that people would actually be proclaiming this not realizing that those of us who are truly Anishinawbe - in the sense of growing up and feeling the exploitation and harassment that many lived through. By no means do I mean to offend anyone of you who are proud of  your  Anishinawbe heritage and  are fortunate that you did not live through this sort of ordeal.
I say all this to begin the real reason for this blog and its title "Trying to Hide the Obvious"
Growing up on a reserve, I  lived in a household - in which many native people can relate to - where alcohol was a normal part of living. From a very early age I related being Indian to alcohol, fighting, not finishing school and so on. Where I got these ideas from I don't know. Some of them were experienced by my Nish peers who would tease me because of how my parents lived, while others came from probably the media and my observations of life around me.  
Thus, began the path I took called a  low self image. A very low self image at that.  Right from my childhood years of playing organized sports in the nearby town and rubbing shoulders with the 'white people' on my team I always felt lower than them.  Throughout my teen and young adult years I was crippled by the fact that I 'was Indian' and had that stereotypical image keeping me from living a life free and reaching for goals that I dreamed of.
Whenever I got together in a room full of people, the nagging question on my mind was if the white poeple knew I was Indian.
Here is a small list of things I did to try and hide my Nish-ness
-  During the long days of  summer I would buy the highest UVB rated sunblock and go through bottles of it just so I   wouldn't get dark. I was  trying to hide the obvious.
-  I would wear longer sleeved shirts in the sultry summer days of Southern Ontario just to help the sunblock effectivness
-  I always tried to have more white friends than Nish friends, so I could try and hide the obvious.
-  I purposely kept my marks in grade school and high school  at a level far below my level of intelligence just so my Nish peers would not mock me.
-  I was embarrassed in post secondary school if I were asked which Native community I was from.
-  I was embarrassed to be part of anything Nish - although deep down I wanted to express who I was.
-  I was embarrassed to show my status card when purchasing items in order to receive the sales tax redemption,
- The list goes one: this is only scratching the surface.
Looking back at all the things I did to hide the obvious was really stupid. If you were to look at any picutes of me it is quite obvious - I'm Nish!  It hindered me. It crippled me. It choked life out of me.  It enslaved me. It kept me from becoming what I wanted to be when I was a child -a Medical Doctor. It kept me from becoming a productive member of society because  I was too self absorbed with trying to hide the obvious.
Today, I am proud to know that others know I am Nish. What changed you may ask? Well it was a verse out of the Bible. Jeremiah 13:23 that did it for me,  "Can an Ethiopian change the color of his skin? Can a leopard take away its spots?" My answer was No. I realized that all this energy I was using to hide what was obvious was going to waste - on my selfish thoughts. Change didn't happen over night. It was a process of letting go of things and accepting what was. Change is still happening today.
I realize now that the majority of people look at me as another human being, no different from them although they may see a  Handsome Nish guy - probably wishing there were like me.
Yes, there are others who see me and loathe the fact that I am Nish. WHO CARES!
Regrets, yes. The fact that I never reached my childhood goal. One that I wanted so badly as a teenager. One that I hope one day, one of my children may aspire to be.
Until next time.

For those of you interested in reading that article I mentioned. Here is the link:
http://www.dailyyonder.com/cherokee-syndrome/2011/02/08/3170